I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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