my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize