i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
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So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
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