my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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