a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize