It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
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he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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