The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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