now i know why i became what i already was.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
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They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
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That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize