and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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