I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize