respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
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the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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