so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
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He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
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It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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