no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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