So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Randomize