these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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