I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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