Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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