put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
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Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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