Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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