Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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