You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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