i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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