And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
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Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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