If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize