The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize