Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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