bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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