i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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