I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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