I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
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Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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