What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize