I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
wow bdsm is so cute
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize