fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize