I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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