She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
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Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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