Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize