I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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