i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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