and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
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All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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