We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
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i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I forget how to act sober
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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