she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We need to get me chipped asap
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize