Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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