my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize