Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My vagina is officially offended.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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