You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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