I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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