If that was your dad, he is hot
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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