Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's blow job season.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize