I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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