you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
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I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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